This is deep!

This letter was written in response to an article in the Sister 2 Sister

magazine (January 2000 issue).

Dear Jamie,

I"m sorry but I would like to challenge some of your Black male readers. I am a White female who is engaged to a Black male-good-looking, educated and loving. I just don't understand a lot of Black females" attitudes about our relationship. My man decided he wanted me because the pickings amongst Black women were slim to none. As he said they were either too fat, too loud, too mean, too argumentative, too needy, too materialistic and carrying too much excess baggage. 

Before I became engaged, whenever I went out I was constantly approached by Black men, willing to wine and dine me and give me the world. If Black women are so up in arms about us being with their men, why don't they look at themselves and make some changes. I am tired of the dirty looks I get and snide remarks when we"re out in public.

I would like to hear from some Black men about why we are so appealing and coveted by them. Bryant Gumble just left his wife of 26 years for one of us. Charles Barkley, Scottie Pippen, the model Tyson Beckford, Montell Williams, Quincy Jones, James Earl Jones, Harry Belafonte, Sydney Poitier, Kofi Anan, Cuba Gooding Jr., Don Cornelius, Berry Gordy, Billy Blanks, Larry Fishburne, Wesley Snipes..I could go on and on.

But right now I"m a little angry and that is why I wrote this so hurriedly.

Don't be mad with us White women because so many of your men want us. Get your acts together and learn from us and we may lead you to treat your men better. If I"m wrong, Black men, let me know. 

Disgusted White Girl ,

Somewhere in VA.

To respond to " Disgusted White Girl ", remit to S2S Letters, PO Box 41148,

Washington, DC 20018. 

You know, the white girl for the most part is correct. With a 70% illegitimacy rate amongst blacks, most black women, raised in the complete absence of their fathers, never learn how to treat and handle a good man, what sacrifices a woman must make for their man, and all of the rewards that it can bring. Instead they are taught to be independent. They watch their mothers go through all the "I don't need no man" machinations and learn from that by watching them. In addition popular culture transmitted by socialists and social engineers (some call them democrats) tell blacks daily that answers to problems are within the federal government, not within the family.

A lot of people who are successful don't want somebody around them who is messed up in the head by beatings, rapes, violence (at the hands of their oh-so fine thug ex-man) and dysfunctional upbringings to create drama in their homes to be covered in the media. They don't want somebody messed up in the head to rob them blind by spending all the money on material goods to fill voids that only love can fill. Lastly nobody wants to have their women go out in public speaking the "black-English" and embarrassing them.

What do you do, look for that one in 10,000 black woman? Squander your youth trying to find her? Or, perhaps maybe, look beyond color and find someone to love.. I don't know about you, but I don't want to be 45 years old like my friend Willie still trying to find someone who is not messed up.

To paraphrase Wesley Snipes from Ebony: "No man wants to come home to an argument with someone who is supposed to be his helpmate. I want to be pleasing and I would for her to be in a pleasing mood as well" He goes on to say "When I have friends over my helpmate might bring out a tray for us, my friends tell me what a good woman I have. I feel good about that and I reward her for that"

Some people would say if a woman acted like that she is a fool. My mother was that way, she is not bitter for being that way and she and my father are still married and enjoying their retirement. Are there exceptions to the rule? Yes and I am sure we both know some of them. I am afraid the exceptions are not the majority.